Do I make a Difference?

So do I make a difference? Do I do all I can do? Can I have a social life and still be a good parent? Am I trying to do my best? Am I letting anyone down? Am I appreciated? Does my life count for something? What would life be like if I weren’t around? If I were to pack my bags up and give up on everyone? If I were to runaway…. make a new life for myself…. am I capable of such things? Do I act on those things? Should I act on those thoughts? Am I intelligent enough to accept those things I cannot change? And just change what I can change? Then live as I should live? And act as I should act? And fight to do what’s right? Important questions to ask…. and yet am I asking the right questions? So then really, do I make a difference in this world?

A hero would do the selfless thing. The ambassador would represent their people. The good samaritan would help the meek. The musician would touch the world with song. The actor would have you believe their character. A leader would give you hope and guidance. The student would learn life’s lessons.

A parent should act with love. A parent should act responsibly. A parent would care enough to not always do as their children want but for what they need. A parent should know what is in the best interest for their child.

And a parent would also do the selfless thing. A parent would represent their siblings. A parent would help their child be strong. A parent would tell their children their stories. A parent would help them develop character. A parent would give hope and guidance. And that parent will learn from their parents and teach those life lessons to their children…. so they in turn will contribute all that they have learned to their future generations.

So where do I fit in into all this? Am I allowed to be more than just a parent? Am I allowed to have some fun? And although I would wish a simple answer… it is neither yes nor no. See…. although I do need to find nourishment in my evolution of self in order to better serve my children…. I am also responsible for them and all of the consequences of their actions… They are an extension of my evolution as well…. they are my tomorrow… and the day will come that I become their child…. and I will one day learn from them all that I taught them and all that they have learned…. and not all from me…. but from their growth as a human in this universe…. on this small planet.

And for now…. when I hear the cries of my kids…. cries that no longer resemble tears but have evolved into rebellion… they not know what they do… and the actions they take which set forth a chain reaction and set fast forward to their future… for the future happens in the blink of an eye… and even though at 18 we are deemed “the adult” you have not lived yet a quarter of what most lives have lived and yet in those 18 years, you may live life like you will never live again…. and tomorrow can still be our last day. There’s no guarantee’s but the guarantee of what is today…. and tomorrow is yet to come… and yet we must live today for tomorrow… even if… it would be a last day…. for whether or not we chose to…. we all leave our legacy…. and we all make a difference…. good…. bad…. or indifferent.

Anyway….. I am having to live a difficult and turbulent time right now, and mostly because of my children, it has me thinking. I do love my kids….. beyond any comprehensible measure of any word… and I do hope one day they can appreciate my efforts….. and my sincerity as a parent….. I suppose that’s the romantic in me… but I also hope for one day that I would be allowed to be happy and self satisfied…. and to see my children succeed… an in those things i could not… and yet that I have learned… I made that difference to those lives around me and especially to those children that I am their parent….

And even though sometimes you must chose yet one way or another….. that sometimes, you just gotta be happy. And that life will certainly move on…. with or without us…. but hopefully with us…. and so we can move on as time measures our existence and stumble into our future…. a future we forge from asking those same questions…. and yet still more questions to remain to answer…. and evolve as human kind…. and heal from our hurts and gain wisdom to simply ____________……….

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